My Journey with Mac Miller
As can be said by many others around my age, Mac Miller’s music made up much of the soundtrack to the most transformative moments of my teenage years. While his music likely impacted my generation more than most, his influence spans far beyond those of us now in our early to mid 20s. He inspired creators, innovators, and self-deprecators. He spoke to addicts, abusers, and users; and he laughed along with critics and fans alike. He struggled in the same way thousands of people battling anxiety, depression, and substance abuse struggle everyday. He struggled in the same ways I do.
Before proceeding, I find it necessary to provide a disclaimer of sorts. I don’t want this post to appear as some self-enlightened, know-it-all, judgemental guide to overcoming anxiety, depression, or substance abuse. Everyone has their own ways of overcoming difficult challenges in their lives. I don’t seek praise for being open about my personal battles with these obstacles. I only aim to celebrate the impact Mac Miller had on my life and possibly start a dialogue for and with others struggling to beat internal obstacles like anxiety or depression.
Objects in the Mirror
In the early part 0f 2011, all aspects of my life were in absolute chaos after my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. My grades plummeted, I lost my starting position on the baseball team, and I sat alone at lunch. My rage became so out of control that my mom feared for her safety and spent several days away from our home. I hated who I was, and I soon reached a tipping point. I could no longer lead a normal life with the overwhelming weight of depression on my shoulders. To help steady myself, I spent 4 days in a treatment center. My time there marked the beginning of an intense uphill climb towards redefining who I wanted to be.
Best Day Ever
It was about two months later, during one of the most turbulent times of my life, that I became a fan of Mac Miller. On July 21, 2011 Mac Miller released the alternative version of the title song off his 5th mixtape, Best Day Ever. I remember spending day after day, month after month drilling the lyrics of his song into my head. I put the following lyrics by my bedside and read them first thing in the morning and last thing before bed:
“No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile
Pursuit to be happy, only laughing like a child
I never thought life could be this sweet
It got my cheesin’ from cheek to cheek
And I ain’t gonna wait for nothing
Cause that just ain’t my style.
Life couldn't get better
This ‘gon be the best day ever.”
Missed Calls
Part of improving my life included making things right with the people I wronged over the previous months. As I mentioned earlier, my relationship with my mother could not have been worse when I left for boarding school in the fall of 2011. I remember so distinctly the phone call I made to her on a Saturday in October -- “I love you, I miss you, and I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you over the past several months. I want to be better, and I’m going to start treating you the way you deserve to be treated.” We both broke into tears. Our relationship had been restored. Many calls like this took place over the coming months as I continued to make strides towards putting my twisted past behind me.
Blue Slide Park
On November 8th, 2011 Mac Miller released his debut album, Blue Slide Park. For me, the release of this album embodied the release of a new me. Going along with the theme of Blue Slide Park, I felt like the world was my playground and this album was my soundtrack. I spent unforgettable nights riding around blasting this album with my friends. By this time, I removed nearly all of the negative components from my life and focused solely on the things that brought me happiness.
Over the years, my depression ebbed and flowed. Blue Slide Park marked a high point for me, but lower moments certainly surfaced as I progressed throughout high school and into college.
Self Care
Mac Miller’s lyrics serve as a constant reminder that we have the capability of making our own lives better. His life harshly cautions us of how difficult overcoming depression and substance abuse can be. While I was certainly overcome with emotion upon hearing of his passing, I’ve since had some time to process what his death means to me and what positive lessons I can learn from it. Here are a couple I felt worthy of sharing:
More people are struggling with internal battles than you realize. Don’t just read those words. Think about the people you know: the people you work with, the people you pass by on your commute to work, the people you care about. 1 in every 14 of those people faces depression. I’m 23, so for people my age that statistic skyrockets all the way up to 1 in every 3 people. What’s worse? Half of those people will never properly address their depression.
Check in on people going through major life changes. During times like these, depression often reemerges and increases.
I read a long Instagram post by John Mayer explaining how close Mac Miller got to reaching the other side of his dark period. Keep on keeping on. Things do get better.
It goes to show it’s often times right when we’re on the edge of something great that we lose hope or give up.
I touched on this in my last post, but finding healthy hobbies drastically improves how you feel. For me, that means getting out and taking photos and hiking at least once every week or two, but find what makes you feel good and make it work for you.
Hold off judgement on people. Instead, aim to understand what causes them to act or feel a certain way. You become significantly more empathetic when you aim to understand rather than cast judgment.
Aim to live in the present. More often than not, depression stems from reliving past experiences over and over again in your head. We cannot go back in time, but we can change our future.
Be okay with sharing your experiences with others. Upon releasing my last blog post, I received a handful of texts from friends I hadn’t heard from in months. They explained they experienced the exact same things I spoke about in my post.
You and you alone control your own happiness. Take command of it. Write down the things you feel cause your anxiety or depression. Then, come up with an action plan for facing them.
I hope you find some semblance of inspiration or comfort in hearing how Mac Miller impacted my teenage years, and you were able to find some of my takeaways useful. As always, I love hearing how other people face their challenges. Shoot me a text or a message! I’ll respond, I’ll listen, and I’ll aim to help. My number is 404-578-2413.
Make today your best day ever.