The grad caps landed after being thrown. You survived the deadly post-grad party hangovers. Somehow, you managed to pack all of the belongings you own into two suitcases. Now, it’s time to start your professional career and journey into the real world of a new city.

In the past months, many of your friends probably scattered. Some clustered together in cities like New York or Dallas. Others, like you, will begin an exciting new chapter on their own in a new city like Los Angeles or Seattle. While you might not have the freedom to spend every Tuesday night at the local college bar drinking $1 beers, you’ll have the freedom to do something far greater – change the world around you and define your own future.

I’m no stranger to this myself. Just over two months ago I made the long trek from Austin, TX to San Francisco, CA to start my first job at Pereira O’Dell. It’d be a bold-faced lie to say it was an easy adjustment. For my first several weeks I battled pretty intense social anxiety and depression, and that’s something I’m comfortable admitting and sharing. If you’re reading this and going through the same thing, I hope this post serves as a source of inspiration for you to create your own pillars.

With that said, over the past month or so I’ve made significant strides towards making San Francisco feel like home. The following guidelines worked well for me, and my hope is that they'll work well for you too! They still serve as my 5 core pillars when making social decisions in my new city.

1. Be Okay with Reinventing Yourself in a New City

My roommate Michael recently shared an ideology with me that states we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. I found this message extremely useful when evaluating who to become close with in a new city. Eventually, you will become most like the people you choose to surround yourself with.

Choose the people you want to be associated with carefully, and be okay with redefining who you are. Having the opportunity to redefine how people see you can be both the most daunting and the most exciting part of moving to a new city. Few times in your life offer the opportunity to shape who you want to be and how you want people to see you. Moving to a new city after college offers that opportunity.

If aspects of your college life bother you, take advantage of your clean slate when moving to a new city and change your ways. You don't need to follow a certain post-grad mold. You can be anyone you want to be.

2. DON’T STAY IN… UNLESS YOU NEED TO

If you’re anything like me, it’s easier than you think to convince yourself staying in, ordering delivery, and catching up on Netflix shows is the best way you could possibly spend your weekend. If you’re looking for a sign to tell you otherwise, this is it.

rs_540x240-161216144708-Netflix_Etiquette_--_Game_of_Thrones.gif

The only people you’re going to get to know better by sitting on your couch are Dolores Abernathy, Tyrian Lannister, and Richard Hendricks. Get out of your apartment. Keep your phone charged, but get lost for a bit. Try out the diner right by your apartment. If you live in a city close to hiking trails, go explore them. Not only will hiking get you out of your apartment, but it’ll also give you some great exercise that in turn will reduce any post-move stress you may be having.

The same thing holds true for going out at night. We’re young. More often than not, the way we meet people involves dancing sloppily on an overcrowded dance floor or waiting at a bar only for the bartender to explain your drink costs $9.50 and the minimum is $10.

Don’t stay in just to stay in… unless you feel it’s necessary for any number of reasons (you don’t feel well, you don’t want to spend money, you’ve got to be up in the morning... just to name a few). Remember a reason for staying in and an excuse for staying in are two very different things.

3. SAY “YES, AND”

This has more to do with having a “say yes” attitude than literally saying yes more frequently. Not unlike my second pillar, this one largely involves being up for whatever. When you move to a new city no adventure, experience, or opportunity is a bad one.

“Can I really get back in shape?” “Do I want to get drinks tonight?” “Is San Francisco the right place for me?” Looking back, I consistently answered questions like these with “no” or “I’d love to, but…”. Don’t be mistaken, these answers are one and the same.

When you shift your perspective to “yes, and,” you open the door to new interests, opportunities, and most importantly, new friends. On the fence about taking a leap of faith? Say yes, and go do it! You’ll be happy you did.

4. DON’T RUSH

For many, building a network in a new city comes quickly. Maybe a number of people your age work on your team. For others, this process takes much longer. Regardless of your situation, building meaningful relationships with people takes time.

Believe me, I know how frustrating it can be to open several Snapchats of your friends living it up with their co-workers. Things seem to come so easy for them, and you find yourself questioning why you haven’t become as close to your colleagues. You may find it difficult, but remain patient. People will come into (and go from) your life soon enough!

Rushing to meet people often causes you to mold your personality, and you'll come across as needy or insincere. Stay cool, stay patient, and be confident that people will want to dance to your beat in due time.

5. Own What You Love Doing

There’s nothing cooler to me than finding someone who shares my love for photography, hiking, or finding new restaurants. Often times, it's one of the first things I share about myself when meeting new people. It hasn’t always been that way.

I use to shy away from admitting I enjoyed photography. I feared my friends would mock me. As I progressed, I realized the exact opposite was true. The more I told my friends about my photography, the more they asked me about it and the more they supported my photographic pursuits.

In many ways, this holds true when talking to strangers about my hobbies. Those who know nothing about photography ask more questions about it, and those who love photography immediately say we should go exploring with our cameras sometime. Sharing and owning your hobbies is a great way to meet more people and make an immediate memorable connection.

While writing this post, I reached out to someone I felt would have a great perspective on how his passion enabled him to meet new people in unfamiliar places. My cousin, Eric Nichols just spent the past 6+ months traveling the world on his own. With little more than a camera, backpack, and pair of beat up Allbirds, he spent 170 days traveling. He visited 17 countries, stayed in 39 hostels, and took over 8,000 photos.

All of Eric's travel gear in one photo. (Photo courtesy of Eric Nichols)

I asked Eric how photography helped him branch out and meet people while traveling. Not only did he build confidence by pursuing his passions, he also used it to network. I included his beautiful response to my question in its entirety along with several of his photos below:

"I move around a lot when I take photos. Like physically. I always try to capture new perspectives, so I have to be comfortable getting in front of people, putting myself in strange positions, or walking in an area I might not otherwise venture to. This in turn has led me to be more confident in general. So when I am in a new social interaction, I already feel confident to put myself out there.

Eric contorting to get his desired shot. (Photo courtesy of Eric Nichols)

I also connect with people by sharing my work. When I meet new people and show them pictures from all the countries I’ve been to, they easily see my passion for photography and travel. Some will immediately ask me questions about a certain place. This enables us to talk about something meaningful and relevant right out of the gate. When someone asks me about a certain photo, I get excited to tell them the story behind it. If they see I have been somewhere that they have also visited, they can then share their stories about that place.

Eric posing for his drone at sunset in Norway. (Photo courtesy of Eric Nichols)

Having someone see my photography means having someone see my passion. Fortunately, when a lot people see that, they want to share with me what they are passionate about. It doesn’t matter what it is. Now, you have two people engaged in a conversation that is both relevant and inspiring to both parties. Passion inspires passion.”